After my visit to CAMHS with my son, I was invited back with my husband for some sessions on how to manage my son's anger and anxiety. I was hoping that she would teach us some useful techniques on managing meltdowns.
We were led into a room and for a whole hour we chatted. My husband actually fell asleep twice.
The psychologist did not actually give us any advice at all and most of the subjects we covered were the same ones we covered on the previous visit.
She did suggest we send our son to martial arts classes, but I didn't fancy the idea. It just means he would do even more damage when he lashes out! I don't want him leaping round the living room doing Kung Fu on all of us!
I felt like I wasted a whole hour of my life that I can't get back. She asked me if I needed another session and I politely declined.
I'm done with CAMHS and hope I won't be requiring their services again.
Friday, 21 December 2012
Thursday, 20 December 2012
Home Schooling My Autistic Child
After the debacle I mentioned in my last post, I had a fretful night with very little sleep. The next morning I concluded that I could not send my son to school as I would not feel he was safe.
After a lot of thought, I wrote a letter to the headteacher, withdrawing my son from the school. I briefly explained why and how I felt that the school had let us down.
I explained to my son that we were now going to have school at home. He seemed quite happy about this, although he was a bit sad that he would not see his friends anymore. We sat down and wrote out a list of the subjects we wanted to study and we made a timetable. I found that the best way to teach him was in 30 minute lessons, with short breaks in between.
I found a huge amount of resources on the internet, but will cover this in a future post. We had lots of fun with our home school, cutting, colouring and playing games.
Then, in the afternoon, I had a call from the headteacher, requesting a meeting the next day.
I managed to get in touch with the safeguarding department, who advised me to make sure that the headteacher had a plan in place for my son, should he return. She also advised me that if things did not go the way I wanted, that I should report the matter to Ofsted, who take a very dim view of children escaping from schools....
The next day, we had another full day of home school, which I must admit, I really enjoyed, even though my son was now missing school quite a lot. Autistic kids need their routine and change is hard.
I met up with the headteacher that afternoon and we forged a plan together. We will be having a meeting in January with the head, SENCO, class teacher and head of year to formulate a written plan for my son's safety and well being for the rest of his school life. I was happy with this.
I got back and told my son he was going to be able to return to school.
"Good...." He said.
"...I do like being at home mom, but I miss school".
He needs school.
So today, he went back, just in time for the end of term party. He got lots of votes in the dance contest, which pleased him no end!
As for me, sending him back was bittersweet, but I must admit that I am quite relieved that it all worked out. I have a new found respect for those who choose to home educate. It is certainly not the easy option.
After a lot of thought, I wrote a letter to the headteacher, withdrawing my son from the school. I briefly explained why and how I felt that the school had let us down.
I explained to my son that we were now going to have school at home. He seemed quite happy about this, although he was a bit sad that he would not see his friends anymore. We sat down and wrote out a list of the subjects we wanted to study and we made a timetable. I found that the best way to teach him was in 30 minute lessons, with short breaks in between.
I found a huge amount of resources on the internet, but will cover this in a future post. We had lots of fun with our home school, cutting, colouring and playing games.
Then, in the afternoon, I had a call from the headteacher, requesting a meeting the next day.
I managed to get in touch with the safeguarding department, who advised me to make sure that the headteacher had a plan in place for my son, should he return. She also advised me that if things did not go the way I wanted, that I should report the matter to Ofsted, who take a very dim view of children escaping from schools....
The next day, we had another full day of home school, which I must admit, I really enjoyed, even though my son was now missing school quite a lot. Autistic kids need their routine and change is hard.
I met up with the headteacher that afternoon and we forged a plan together. We will be having a meeting in January with the head, SENCO, class teacher and head of year to formulate a written plan for my son's safety and well being for the rest of his school life. I was happy with this.
I got back and told my son he was going to be able to return to school.
"Good...." He said.
"...I do like being at home mom, but I miss school".
He needs school.
So today, he went back, just in time for the end of term party. He got lots of votes in the dance contest, which pleased him no end!
As for me, sending him back was bittersweet, but I must admit that I am quite relieved that it all worked out. I have a new found respect for those who choose to home educate. It is certainly not the easy option.
Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Time to Quit School?
I thought things were going well at school. Until yesterday.
I arrived to fetch the kids, only to find my son outside the school, standing in the playground by himself. Obviously, this was a completely dangerous situation, because the school gates were open and there was nothing to stop him walking through them and down the street, or walking off with a complete stranger.
The school building is made of two separate buildings and you have to cross the playground to get to the other one. My son had crossed the playground, but had been unable to gain entry into the other one, as there were no staff around. The result was that he was stranded outside in the rain.
I spoke to the teacher and got the usual "we're very sorry" spiel, but somehow it did not feel good enough. After all, this is the fourth time that this has happened now. It happened three times last year. The staff don't seem all that concerned that their pupils could possible wander off or get abducted.I spoke to the SENCO and got a similar response. I told her that apologies seemed a bit empty at this stage and that I didn't think my son was safe at her school.
This morning I sent a withdrawal letter, requesting that my son be removed from the register. I will have to home-school him unless things change. My son was quite happy at the idea of home-school, and we have spent the day building skeletons, reading stories and learning about the orchestra.
This afternoon, the head teacher phoned, sounding very apologetic. She wants to meet with me tomorrow. There may still be a chance to resolve this, but I want more than an apology. I need to see a real commitment to change.
We will see.
I arrived to fetch the kids, only to find my son outside the school, standing in the playground by himself. Obviously, this was a completely dangerous situation, because the school gates were open and there was nothing to stop him walking through them and down the street, or walking off with a complete stranger.
The school building is made of two separate buildings and you have to cross the playground to get to the other one. My son had crossed the playground, but had been unable to gain entry into the other one, as there were no staff around. The result was that he was stranded outside in the rain.
I spoke to the teacher and got the usual "we're very sorry" spiel, but somehow it did not feel good enough. After all, this is the fourth time that this has happened now. It happened three times last year. The staff don't seem all that concerned that their pupils could possible wander off or get abducted.I spoke to the SENCO and got a similar response. I told her that apologies seemed a bit empty at this stage and that I didn't think my son was safe at her school.
This morning I sent a withdrawal letter, requesting that my son be removed from the register. I will have to home-school him unless things change. My son was quite happy at the idea of home-school, and we have spent the day building skeletons, reading stories and learning about the orchestra.
This afternoon, the head teacher phoned, sounding very apologetic. She wants to meet with me tomorrow. There may still be a chance to resolve this, but I want more than an apology. I need to see a real commitment to change.
We will see.
Friday, 14 December 2012
Another Bad Day at School
My son came out of school really upset again yesterday. He was crying.
A boy in his class left at the end of last term to go to a new school and my son found it really hard to cope with the change. My son considered the boy to be his friend, as he was often chosen to be his partner during schoolwork. He keeps asking me why the boy left and he gets really sad about it.
Anyway, apparently, this boy sent a letter to the class and the teacher read it out. The opened up the wounds again for my son, who was inconsolable.
He also was upset because the resident bully had been picking on him yet again. When I went into the school, I got a good look at this boy who had been bullying my son and he was not your typical bully. He was obviously a very bright boy, very articulate and not particularly big and strong. I think he was in the top group for literacy and maths, the total opposite of my son. He looked like butter wouldn't melt.
So at lunchtime, when my son usually wanders around alone, bully boy decided to round up a few other kids to laugh at my son and run away. This got my son really agitated and angry, which further fuelled the boys.
I spoke to the teacher about it and she talked to the bully again today. Now it is the third time he has been reported, they are going to take the matter seriously.
We will wait and see.
A boy in his class left at the end of last term to go to a new school and my son found it really hard to cope with the change. My son considered the boy to be his friend, as he was often chosen to be his partner during schoolwork. He keeps asking me why the boy left and he gets really sad about it.
Anyway, apparently, this boy sent a letter to the class and the teacher read it out. The opened up the wounds again for my son, who was inconsolable.
He also was upset because the resident bully had been picking on him yet again. When I went into the school, I got a good look at this boy who had been bullying my son and he was not your typical bully. He was obviously a very bright boy, very articulate and not particularly big and strong. I think he was in the top group for literacy and maths, the total opposite of my son. He looked like butter wouldn't melt.
So at lunchtime, when my son usually wanders around alone, bully boy decided to round up a few other kids to laugh at my son and run away. This got my son really agitated and angry, which further fuelled the boys.
I spoke to the teacher about it and she talked to the bully again today. Now it is the third time he has been reported, they are going to take the matter seriously.
We will wait and see.
Thursday, 13 December 2012
Bad Morning....
Yesterday was one of those days.....
5:30 a.m. Husband gets up for work and goes downstairs to get ready. One of the light bulbs in the living room blows out, tripping the circuit and leaving him in the dark. He fumbles and bangs around trying to find a torch to reset the circuit box (waking me up). At the same time, our "posessed" doorbell starts ringing out "It's a Small World". It never works any other time. I presume it has damp inside. I pull the duvet over my head and eventually drop off.
8:00 a.m. Cautiously open one eye and wonder why it is light. The last few mornings it has been dark. Glance over at my alarm clock. It says 7:20. It is set to go off at 7:30. Glance over to my hubby's alarm clock, which says 8:00. Realize that my clock has stopped and that I have overslept by half an hour.
I shout the kids to get up and run downstairs frantically trying to feed everyone. Feed kids and self and manage to stuff their lunchboxes with something, leaving a terrible mess in the kitchen.I'm aware that my hubby is bringing the mother in law back, but have no time to tidy up. Whack on the automatic air freshener in the hope that the nice smell will distract her from the mess.
8:20-8:35 Quickly get dressed and rush out of the house with kids.
8:45. Amazingly, we get to school on time. I have agreed to help my son with his work, but am keen to rush home and tidy up for arrival of MIL.
9:45. Having gone overtime, I leg it back home to tidy up. ETA of MIL 11:00 a.m. I still have time.
10:05 Arrive home. The place is a tip. There are open packets everywhere, washing up in the sink and lots of sticky surfaces. Frantically start washing up.
10:10 Aaaaaaarrggggh! Notice that the sink isn't draining. This may be connected to pouring the fat from the grill down it yesterday. The sink is now full of grey, smelly water with cheerios floating on top.
10:15-10:30 Frantically bail smelly water out of sink with a used can. Smelly water splashes all over floor and worktops.
10:30-10:40. Run to corner shop to get some plughole unblocker stuff. Run back home and pour it down plug.
10:40 Empty washing from the machine and start draping it over radiators. Why is it so dry? Sniff it and realize I never actually washed it. Throw it back in machine quickly.
10:45-10:55 Quickly wipe over all the sticky surfaces, fluff cushions and tidy up.
11:00 Good. they are not here yet. Dash upstairs.
11:05 Aaaaargh! The bathroom floor is covered in smelly towels and the sink is full of dried-on toothpaste. I hear the car pull up on the front.Grab towels and lob them in laundry. Grab some loo roll and wipe sink as they enter the front door.
11:06 Dash downstairs, jump on settee and put on a calm, serene expression. "Hello.." I say calmly..."Anyone want a cup of tea?"
5:30 a.m. Husband gets up for work and goes downstairs to get ready. One of the light bulbs in the living room blows out, tripping the circuit and leaving him in the dark. He fumbles and bangs around trying to find a torch to reset the circuit box (waking me up). At the same time, our "posessed" doorbell starts ringing out "It's a Small World". It never works any other time. I presume it has damp inside. I pull the duvet over my head and eventually drop off.
8:00 a.m. Cautiously open one eye and wonder why it is light. The last few mornings it has been dark. Glance over at my alarm clock. It says 7:20. It is set to go off at 7:30. Glance over to my hubby's alarm clock, which says 8:00. Realize that my clock has stopped and that I have overslept by half an hour.
I shout the kids to get up and run downstairs frantically trying to feed everyone. Feed kids and self and manage to stuff their lunchboxes with something, leaving a terrible mess in the kitchen.I'm aware that my hubby is bringing the mother in law back, but have no time to tidy up. Whack on the automatic air freshener in the hope that the nice smell will distract her from the mess.
8:20-8:35 Quickly get dressed and rush out of the house with kids.
8:45. Amazingly, we get to school on time. I have agreed to help my son with his work, but am keen to rush home and tidy up for arrival of MIL.
9:45. Having gone overtime, I leg it back home to tidy up. ETA of MIL 11:00 a.m. I still have time.
10:05 Arrive home. The place is a tip. There are open packets everywhere, washing up in the sink and lots of sticky surfaces. Frantically start washing up.
10:10 Aaaaaaarrggggh! Notice that the sink isn't draining. This may be connected to pouring the fat from the grill down it yesterday. The sink is now full of grey, smelly water with cheerios floating on top.
10:15-10:30 Frantically bail smelly water out of sink with a used can. Smelly water splashes all over floor and worktops.
10:30-10:40. Run to corner shop to get some plughole unblocker stuff. Run back home and pour it down plug.
10:40 Empty washing from the machine and start draping it over radiators. Why is it so dry? Sniff it and realize I never actually washed it. Throw it back in machine quickly.
10:45-10:55 Quickly wipe over all the sticky surfaces, fluff cushions and tidy up.
11:00 Good. they are not here yet. Dash upstairs.
11:05 Aaaaargh! The bathroom floor is covered in smelly towels and the sink is full of dried-on toothpaste. I hear the car pull up on the front.Grab towels and lob them in laundry. Grab some loo roll and wipe sink as they enter the front door.
11:06 Dash downstairs, jump on settee and put on a calm, serene expression. "Hello.." I say calmly..."Anyone want a cup of tea?"
Friday, 7 December 2012
CAMHS
Yesterday, we went to CAMHS, the children's and adolescent mental health services. We had been referred by our paediatrician because of my son's meltdowns and anger issues.
When we were in the waiting room, I felt like I was in the wrong place, because my son was the only child in there. Most of the people waiting were teenagers.
I felt a bit lost at the appointment and I think both me and the practitioner wondered what we were doing there. From our discussion it became clear to me that my son wasn't really in the category of behaviour that they are used to dealing with and although he has meltdowns and tantrums, they are not constant and his general behaviour is good.
The lady offered me two sessions: one dealing with anger and another dealing with anxiety issues. I do not need to take my son with me. I think once I have done the sessions they will probably discharge him.
Although it wasn't for me, it is good to know that these organizations are available to help young people with mental health problems.
When we were in the waiting room, I felt like I was in the wrong place, because my son was the only child in there. Most of the people waiting were teenagers.
I felt a bit lost at the appointment and I think both me and the practitioner wondered what we were doing there. From our discussion it became clear to me that my son wasn't really in the category of behaviour that they are used to dealing with and although he has meltdowns and tantrums, they are not constant and his general behaviour is good.
The lady offered me two sessions: one dealing with anger and another dealing with anxiety issues. I do not need to take my son with me. I think once I have done the sessions they will probably discharge him.
Although it wasn't for me, it is good to know that these organizations are available to help young people with mental health problems.
Wednesday, 5 December 2012
Autism and Money
I went to help out at school again yesterday. This time we were learning about money.
"OK..." I said. "How many ways are there to make 10p?"
"Well we could have 5p add 5p" replied my son, bright as a button.
I was pleased with this answer and presumed that he was going to "get it" straight away.
"Any other ways?" I asked.
"Yes. 9p add 1p"
"No." I sighed. "9p isn't a coin is it?"
"Er no. I mean 8p add 2p" he replied.
After about half an hour of that conversation, we then looked at the coins. He had real problems understanding what the values on the coin meant. For example, he thought that ten of any coin made 10p, because he didn't take any notice of the coin value.
It was a long hour and I am not sure we actually got anywhere.......
"OK..." I said. "How many ways are there to make 10p?"
"Well we could have 5p add 5p" replied my son, bright as a button.
I was pleased with this answer and presumed that he was going to "get it" straight away.
"Any other ways?" I asked.
"Yes. 9p add 1p"
"No." I sighed. "9p isn't a coin is it?"
"Er no. I mean 8p add 2p" he replied.
After about half an hour of that conversation, we then looked at the coins. He had real problems understanding what the values on the coin meant. For example, he thought that ten of any coin made 10p, because he didn't take any notice of the coin value.
It was a long hour and I am not sure we actually got anywhere.......
Sunday, 2 December 2012
Counting Down
One strategy that really helps us to avoid meltdowns in out autistic son is to count him down in minutes.
For example, if he is playing on a game and I were to just come along and say "get off that game now", he would probably go crazy.
But if I were to say "Right, you are coming off that game in 15 minutes", we would be fine. I would then need to remind him every five minutes to accustom his mind to the idea that he is coming off the game. Therefore I will say "10 minutes", then "5 minutes left", before switching the game off. By this time, he is absolutely calm and stops the game, no problem.
I have told his brother and sister to do the same when they are dealing with him, to avoid fights and tantrums. Yesterday, my son was playing on his big brother's iPad, when his big brother came along and snatched it off him. He went bonkers. I then told my older son to give him the iPad back, but to say "I want it back in 5 minutes", counting down every minute. When he did that, the process went a lot smoother and my older son got his iPad back without a fight.
In February, we are going to CAHMS, the children and adolescent mental health services. We are hoping that they will be able to give us more strategies like this that will make family life smoother and less stressful.
For example, if he is playing on a game and I were to just come along and say "get off that game now", he would probably go crazy.
But if I were to say "Right, you are coming off that game in 15 minutes", we would be fine. I would then need to remind him every five minutes to accustom his mind to the idea that he is coming off the game. Therefore I will say "10 minutes", then "5 minutes left", before switching the game off. By this time, he is absolutely calm and stops the game, no problem.
I have told his brother and sister to do the same when they are dealing with him, to avoid fights and tantrums. Yesterday, my son was playing on his big brother's iPad, when his big brother came along and snatched it off him. He went bonkers. I then told my older son to give him the iPad back, but to say "I want it back in 5 minutes", counting down every minute. When he did that, the process went a lot smoother and my older son got his iPad back without a fight.
In February, we are going to CAHMS, the children and adolescent mental health services. We are hoping that they will be able to give us more strategies like this that will make family life smoother and less stressful.
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