Sense of Humour.

Jokes and humour are often lost on people with Autism and Aspergers as they cannot always understand what is funny about what is being said. My son reminds me a bit of Data from Star Trek when it comes to jokes.

He came home from school and said he had read a joke in his book, but he didn't understand it.

"Doctor Doctor, I feel like a pack of cards".

"I'll deal with you later".

Once I explained the joke to him, he couldn't stop laughing. He kept telling the joke over and over again. He now keeps making his own jokes, which are sometimes so bad, they are actually funny.

He has a little formula for inventing jokes, which usually involves changing a letter in a word. Here are some of his favourites, that he made up himself:

What do you call Simon Cowell if he is angry?
Simon Growl.

What do you call Simon Cowell if he was something that you dry your hands on in the swimming baths?
Simon Towel.

What do you call a horse that likes Star Wars?
A Force.

Embarrassing Moments!

My son was on top form yesterday.

I had to pop to the local shop and I took him with me. He was pushing the trolley (rather erratically round the shop) and I was putting the things in. I realised that I needed to stock up on sanitary towels, but didn't really want him to notice me putting them in the trolley, so I sent him off for something and sneaked them in.

Anyway, we got to the till and I started loading everything up out of the trolley. He then spotted them.

"MOM?" he shouted, in front of everyone.

"What is that blue packet? What is in there?"

"Go and put the trolley back." I said, ignoring him and hoping that by the time he got back, I would have squirrelled them away in a carrier bag.

I grabbed the towels and shoved them in the bag, just as he got back, hoping his trip would have erased his memory.

It hadn't. He grabbed the bag and made a grab for the towels.

"Them. Mom? What are they? What's in the blue packet?"

By this time, there was a queue and everyone was staring. I gave him a coin to put in the charity box.

He went to the charity box and carried on shouting, asking what the packet was in the bag.

"I'll tell you when I get home." I whispered under my breath.

Thankfully, I distracted him enough on the way back to make him forget about the blue packet...

We then had to go to my big son's school, because he had lost his blazer and needed to go to lost property. At the lost property office, a rather butch looking lady (presumably a PE teacher), tried to help us with our enquiry.

As we walked out of the building, my son yelled:

"Was that a man or a woman? I couldn't tell!"

She must have heard. I was mortified.

I got him home as quickly as I could and suffice to say we didn't go out again after that!

My Little Star Won a Prize!

SO proud of my little boy today. He won an award in assembly for his writing skills. The teacher was so proud of him because, despite his autism, he was able to put himself into character to write a letter for their topic on Vikings. Here is the letter that he wrote:

Dear Mom,

How are you? I miss you so much but I'm having fun with Alfred. The farm here is full of cows. How are the cows at home?

My new friend King Alfred is a bit bossy and a good fighter. He has a very sharp sword which he keeps hanging out of his belt.

King Alfred still feels bad about burning the cakes. But he burned the deer meat.

You send me a letter soon. I cant wait to hear your news.

Ethlebert.

Latest IEP

Every few months we have to fill in an Individual Education Plan, which outlines the schools targets for my son.

We have had so many issues lately that I was really hoping that a statement might be on the agenda.

No chance.

The teacher and SENCO had already printed off a list of arbitrary targets for him to work on, such as times tables and letter formations. Nothing to address his social and emotional problems, which were conveniently brushed under the carpet.

I was told that if I need help with his anxiety issues, I will just have to go back to CAMHS.

Waste of time. My son hates school and cries every morning about going. The local council is doing some workshops about SEN, so I hope I can attend one of them and get some advice.

Why Baking Bread With an Autistic Kid is a Bad Idea...

My son wanted to know how bread was made. He is a curious chap and I decided to show him rather than tell him.

I got all the stuff together and we went into the kitchen to make our bread. The trouble is, I didn't think about the fact that autistic kids are hypersensitive to smells, textures and other sensory stimuli.

I put the yeast into the mixture.

"EW! What is that horrible smell. Eugh!"

"Its the yeast. You need it to make the bread"

"IT STINKS! IT STINKS! GET IT AWAY".

Anyway, I encouraged him to overcome his fear of the yeast and have a go at kneading the dough.

"EW! It feels horrible. Oh, it is stuck to my fingers. Get it off! Get it off!"

I finished up the loaf myself. He did eat it and thoroughly enjoyed it.

He says next week we will go back to baking cakes again instead.

Tact

I was hauled before the class teacher again yesterday. I hadn't a clue what my son had done this time and he was keeping tight-lipped.

Turns out he had upset a girl in the class by telling her that her dad, a smoker, was going to die of cancer.

The dad was really angry apparently, and it took a lot for the teacher to calm him down.

Looks like I'd better keep my eye open for lynch mobs in the playground.

My son sees the world in black and white. To him, something is good or bad. There is no in-between.

He knows that my grandad died of lung cancer from smoking and that his own grandad died of smoking related complications. He also know a close friend of ours who survived lung cancer, but has a husband who smokes. This is why he is so anti-smoking. Couple this up with the ads on the TV and radio and it is easy to see why he said what he did.

We had a word with him about being considerate of others feelings. He needs to learn about how words can hurt and to have empathy for others.

I dread these "chats" with the teacher, which seem to be incresing in frequency lately.

Science Day

Today was science day at school and the parents got to go into school to see what the kids had been doing in science.

Talk about organized chaos.

There were tables around the edge of the room with "experiments" on them, but as I arrived mid-morning, most of the "experiments" had turned to mush and slop.

For example, some genius thought it was a good idea to place a vat of cornflakes and milk in the school hall to show what happens to cornflakes when they get soggy. There were lots of big plastic syringes that the kids could use to baste the flakes in milk.

Guess what happened?

My son ended up squirting some poor girl with milk all over her nice jumper. I bet she will stink for the rest of the day. I told my son to be more careful and he descended into a screaming fit. The teacher came over to see if he was OK.

"It's a bit unstructured for him isn't it?" she remarked.

"And noisy."

Anyway., I managed to calm him down and we went to look at another experiment. This time it was about teabags. My son enjoyed poring out the tea...all over the floor of the hall...We quickly moved to the next experiment, a pile of mouldy food in bags. My son went to grab one....we moved on again.....

In the end, we settled for an experiement where he ran round the hall and I took his pulse. It seemed to keep him amused.

Science day was a bit rubbish really.