Unwanted Advice

If you have a child with ADHD or Autism, the chances are that at some point, you have been the recipient of unwanted advice.

I suppose that the very worst type is unwanted advice from complete strangers, who see your kid having a major meltdown in the street and just HAVE to wade in with their opinion...

But it is advice from well-meaning friends that "gets" to me the most.

I think the problem originates in the way that the friend reacts to your conversations about your child.

I don't think they always understand that you sometimes want to "sound off" about stuff that is going on. Just because you are talking about some aspect of your child's behaviour, doesn't necessarily mean that you are asking that person for advice or a solution. Most of the time, you just want to talk about things.

We all know people that think that they must provide a "solution" to everything we bring up in conversation. If you mention you are going out somewhere, they butt in with a huge list of directions to the place before you've even had chance to explain that "I know exactly where it is, thank you".

I know that they are trying to be helpful, trying to be a good friend even, but it is really annoying!

So now that I have mentioned that my son might have ADHD, people feel they need to "fix" the situation by giving me lots of unwanted advice.

I have received the whole gamut in just a few days; the fact that I should go and buy OTC sedatives from the pharmacist (I don't think so), discipline him more, stop giving in to him, blah blah blah. One friend even offered to come round on evening to give me some "parenting advice". Er, thanks.


It all becomes background noise.

Sometimes I DO want advice. Sometimes I'm crying out for advice! It's just the unwanted advice I don't like. If I want advice, I will ask my family, or a health professional, or an organisation that deals with autism.

So please, if you are reading this and you are a person prone to giving unwanted advice to others, please stop! Be a good friend, be a hearing ear, nod in the right places, but don't wade in with your opinions, unless you are asked for them.

If, on the other hand, you are reading this because you are the recipient of unwanted advice, you have my deepest sympathy. Please try to be tolerant to your friends, they are only trying to help. Perhaps you should invest in a small set of earplugs...

And if you know that your friends are prone to give advice every time you mention your child's condition, maybe it is time to start talking about something else when they are around!